The fact he’s angry and anxious worries me further.
He could have seen or heard something via gaming get more involved (you and your husband) in what he does online, which is best done by showing an interest rather than hectoring. It is likely he will have seen something. You may not have found porn or adult content on his computer, but that does not mean he hasn’t been exposed to it. “You don’t often act out so overtly unless you’ve been exposed to something that’s been overwhelming,” explains Music. It’s as if they are throwing it out there to say, “This is what I’m dealing with.” So the child who feels shame may seek to make others ashamed, the child who feels left out rejects others, and so on. Music said that, often, if children are experiencing something they cannot deal with, they will seek to make others feel what they are feeling. It’s important for men to call out inappropriate behaviour in other men, and that starts in the home. We both wondered what your husband’s reaction to your son’s behaviour was – whether or not he witnesses it himself? He needs to be more involved than he seems to be. I contacted Graham Music, a psychotherapist ( ) who has worked extensively with children and adolescents – especially troubled ones – and has written several books on the subject. This is the age they tend to become more self-conscious and inhibited – so something is clearly going on with your son and you need to find out what. Teenagers often test the boundaries with their parents, but it’s not usual for boys to make suggestive sexual comments to female members of the family, and less usual still that they expose themselves. I monitor his internet access and I haven’t found evidence he watches porn or adult content. In general, he is quite an anxious, angry and unhappy person at home. I’ve tried punishments that we use for other poor behaviour.
I want to show him, in front of his sister, that his behaviour could be classed as criminal.